Excuse Me, Sir. You Should Be Shot.

Some attorneys should be taken out of their cozy offices and put in front of a firing range. Some of the younger generation of esquires, those who actually think it is pretentious to use that term as part of a signature, should be handed pellet guns and told to shoot away. I know a couple of attorneys who should be front and center at the firing range and I know a couple of new attorneys who should be given plenty of ammo for their pellet guns.

For example, my sister, E, is working for an organization comprised of many public interest attorneys. None of them should be shot, they do good work with little recognition (round of applause for them). One of the young attorneys who worked for the organization was wooed away from the org. to work for a small private practice just a few months ago. She left her first permanent position that she was able to find after law school with the promise of a new career at a small practice. However, just a few months later the attorney at her firm lets her go. He gives absolutely no reason. Apparently, he is a bit of a crazy ass. At least she’ll get unemployment insurance.

After hearing this, and dealing with my own crazy experience as a new attorney, I think this may be an epidemic. I think there may be more than a fair share of seasoned attorneys out there with mad crazy social disorders. These attorneys give a bad name to the legal profession. They either make new attorneys who could be AMAZING want to leave the legal profession or give up , or they let new attorneys go without any constructive criticism or feedback as to why they are suddenly a part of the climbing unemployment rate. And yes, amazingness is what I and many other unemployed or underemployed new attorneys have to offer-but socially deviant attorneys are not utilizing our amazingness properly. Shame on them.

These are the attorneys that deserve to be put in front of a firing range. I think they probably tend to work solo, sign off on everything with an esquire after their name, and have many, many articles of clothing with their initials embroidered on somewhere. Beware. I think they may be lurking behind many help wanted ads. They should know that no one wants to work for a crazy ass. If you are one of these attorneys please don’t hire anyone to work for you. Seriously, we’d rather keep looking. However, if you don’t heed to this warning and you do hire some unsuspecting soul and treat them poorly, we’ll see you at the firing range.

**In no way does this post endorse the actual shooting or hurting of seasoned attorneys. I would just like them to feel the same soul-sucking experience they put others through, but since they don’t actually have souls, besides physical pain I’m at a loss for how to retaliate. Any ideas?

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3 Comments

  1. As a recovering lawyer myself who did some public interest and “private” practice, I completely agree! I thought some of the kids in law school were strange…and began to suspect that law school attracted a ‘certain type of nut job’…but once I entered the work force, it seemed like the more senior the attorney, the more completely twisted and eccentric they were. I think it also takes a certain type of personality to take all the verbal abuse doled out in so many offices, small and large.
    Love the blog. Thanks for checking out mine.
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  2. I think if we tried really hard we could identify members of our own law class that are on track to growing up to be one of the nutbars. Actually, I don’t think we’d actually have to try that hard. *coughDRRcough*

    • I don’t think we’d have to try that hard at all. We’d probably just have to pull out one of our old lists from “gunner bingo” and we’d have some of the worst offenders.


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