Am I a part of some weird Darwinian experiment?

Lately, I’ve been wondering if some sort of evil Darwinian process has been weeding me out of the legal profession. Only the strong survive. Well, I haven’t been feeling so strong lately. In fact, lately I’ve been feeling like the legal profession has decided to chew me up and spit me out. I have been applying to jobs for over a year and a half. I am tired of looking, but what else can I do? I’m getting really worried that I’ll never find the job that I’ve been waiting for. I need to figure out what makes me seem so undesirable as a new associate and fix it asap. Or else….well, I don’t know what I’ll do….I don’t really have a Plan B. 

Almost four years ago, I was excited about starting law school. Now, one year out, I feel as though I’m in the same place I was before I went to law school, but with a whole heck of a lot more debt. I’ve spent the last few months working in the worst possible environment. My boss has been unbearable. The work: oh, how about a long, contentious divorce trial between two really wealthy, spoiled adults. The substance of my job: I’ve spent many days lugging boxes to and fro, filing papers, and doing projects that inevitably are not going to be used for anything. In short, really unfulfilling work that probably could be done by someone who just scraped by and got their GED. Instead, I’ve spent over $100,000 on my education and years of studying to get to this spot smack dab at the bottom of the totem pole. Thankfully, as I noted before, I’ve finally worked up the nerve to put in my two weeks notice. Unfortunately, I’m not leaving this position in the way I had envisioned. I envisioned leaving with a job offer in hand, with the knowledge that a steady paycheck, health insurance and a 401K were just days away. Instead, I’m leaving with the hope and prayer that I’m able to land another super fulfilling temp position. Dare I say that I’m even hoping to find a document review project? Blech. 

The annoying thing is that I really tried to find a solid legal job. I even lowered my standards so much that I interviewed for a position where I’d be doing asbestos defense. I had to lie to the interviewer to tell him that no, I wouldn’t find it hard to do depositions of plaintiffs who are on their death beds due to asbestosis. I’m sure I winced with that lie. It’s both a blessing and a curse that I didn’t get that job. Sure, it would have been a solid paycheck-but that kind of work sounds really awful. The sad thing is that I really wanted that position. Never mind all of the public interest work cluttering up my resume. Apparently, I’m at the point where I’m willing to  help companies screw over the little man. The economy and the lack of a job offer has made me evil. Or desperate. So far the legal profession has shown me that the Darwinian model for the legal profession is: only those without a soul survive.

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2 Comments

  1. “I need to figure out what makes me seem so undesirable as a new associate and fix it asap.”

    Bex, it has nothing to do with you. You’re an awesome, charming, intelligent, and bright individual. These jobs are either disappearing or simply don’t exist anymore. It has more to do with your birthdate and timing than you.

    CK

    • Aw, shucks. Thanks Chad.


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